Dear Chip,
I’d like to give you my ideas
for selecting a new manager.
I’d like someone
not too young, not too old.
Consult with the analytics department.
I’d like someone,
not too tall, not too short.
Again, check with analytics.
Choose one whose ethnicity
best reflects the face of the team.
Look at the team picture.
I want a manager
not too loud, not too soft,
someone who can handle the media.
I’d prefer a combination of
Bill Dickey and Leo Durocher.
Do some research n the archives.
And finally, I want a manager
who has played in the major leagues.
Only he will know what it feels like
to be a major leaguer.
Any questions? How much will I spend?
The sky’s the limit; my pockets are deep.