A RED OCTOBER RECIPE *

“Let’s give them something to remember.”
– Bryce Harper, October 2022

Ingredients

• one cup Phanatic (heaping portions permitted)
• one designated hitter (no names needed)
• three dozen sluggers (hot hot hot)
• four outfielders (all limbs long)
• six infielders (all knees nimble)
• pitchers (a baker’s dozen)
• fresh catchers (two)
• grease (elbow, mitt, streetlight poles)
• cheesesteaks in strange cities
• harper (no one sharper) rice krispies
• pumpkin spice (roll of the dice) cannoli
• batters and brews (top of the line shine)
• donuts stuffed of underdogs and buttercream logs
• primed for prime-time coaches (no cuss words permitted)

Steps

• Mix and stir (keep batters nimble)
• Plump mounds (manicure grounds)
• Sharpen chalk (earpiece talk)
• Toss then simmer (all players on deck)
• Chip ice (one hit at a time)
• Melt blocks (stadium seats unlocked)
• Apply heat (turned up high)
• Welcome fans (both Phanatics and fair-weather varieties)
• Dish patience (allot two-three hour stretches)
• Scoop and aim high (best-of-five matches)