I said mostly nice things about him when we were alive,
but there’s no reason to pretend anymore
Ted was probably a better hitter,
but he couldn’t carry my jock as an all-around player;
no one could
And that made me a kind of American royalty:
everyone from Presidents on down
all wanted to associate with me
And I obliged them
as long as they paid for everything
or otherwise kissed my ass
If they stopped doing either, they were gone