After being shut out three times in a row,
team owners called in a visiting psychologist
who offered the following analysis:
“Your continuous failure to reach home
suggests a profound childhood trauma,
one where your non-sports parents
refused to play catch with you, favoring
an older brother who became a doctor.
You acted out by flailing with your stick,
all to no avail, the glare of lights at night
blinding you to sibling rivalry.
You made too many errors while
standing on the playing field of life.
You crashed into walls, mindlessly,
and blew the opportunity to save yourself.
Realize you are fated to fail
70% of the time and accept it.
Nevertheless, swing for the fences,
forget all your internal turmoil.
This will go a long way in improving
your stats at home.”