“Shopping Cart Roller Derby”
There is a new sport in town,
specifically designed for old geezers
who have traded wind sprints for canes,
and marathons for walkers.
“It’s called “Shopping Cart Roller Derby,”
a Grand Prix race which has simple rules:
It can be a timed event over a course,
much like the segments in the Tour de France,
or a one-to-one match race between
two carts pushed at breakneck speed
up and down the supermarket aisles.
It would be perfectly legal to crash
headlong into the rival cart.
Weight would be evened by
filling up the baskets with groceries.
Supermarkets could back different pushers
who would be adorned with labeled racing suits.
There would be separate men and women races,
and there could even be tag team competitions.
Isn’t it about time there was an Olympic sport
for the older generation?
Ladies and gentlemen, start your carts!