“Protocols for Baseball,
A Modest Proposal”
People miss baseball.
People need baseball.
Baseball exists as one of the
strongest pillars of American culture.
Here, then, is a modest proposal to
bring baseball back in the age of Corona.
a) Before each batter comes to the plate,
the umpire will be required to test his temperature.
b) Players sitting in the dugout must sit about
6 feet apart from each other, about 2 bat lengths.
c) Real dummies will sit in the stands to simulate
crowds normally at a game.
d) Managers must name a “Designated Doctor,”
a player who watches if another player gets sick.
e) Pitchers must use Lysol wipes instead of resin bags.
f) All players will be required to ash their hands
after every half inning.
g) All fielders must wear PPE.
h) Announcing an 82 game schedule with
everybody in the playoffs.
i) Players will have the option to play or
stay home, this necessitating 50-man rosters.
It may not be baseball as we remember,
but it will be the baseball we love.