“I’ve lost 5 mph on my fastball.”
There are millions starving in Africa
“I went 0-4 today.”
Italian town buried by volcanic eruption
“What a dumb-ass base running mistake.”
They just hijacked a tanker off Somalia
“I think they’re gonna send me down to Triple A.”
North Korea fired four missiles
“I don’t wanna go to the bullpen.”
A quarter of Antarctica has drifted away
“I hate playin’ in this town.”
Congress questions ties to Russia

Pre-season rants, locker room complaints,
(why won’t the press leave me alone?)
All utterances spoken by heroes,
our men in boys’ clothing, sounding off
as the world spins towards the apocalypse.
But let’s play ball, shall we?
That’s the only thing that’s really important.