Who in this gin-mill knows about Tommy John –
Aside from the elbow operation and all?
You – Canarski – tell me what team he was on.
Yankees? Dodgers? Anybody here recall?

Who knows what the guy threw? Was it junk? Or cheese?
What did he do against right, against left-handed bats?
How many games did he win? Hogan – tell me – jeez! –
Strikeouts, walks, come on, give me some stats!

Sit down, Santori – I’m trying to make my point!
A tougher double-play pitcher? Show me one!
Shut up, Gonzalez – remember I own this joint.
Two hundred eighty-eight games big Tommy won!

Some guys can throw, hell yes – then some guys can pitch!
The man was a left-handed sinker-ball son-of-a-bitch.