Let others dial up disputes over water substitutes,
join the sports drink energy wars. Like the Coke and Pepsi
unrelenting shootout, Gatorade, Body armor rule the trade.
Let the also-rans chase the Titans,
Roar, Defy, Xtend, Accelerade
Sqwincher, Propel, Superdrink, Powerade.
Let them celebrate the assault of flavors
“Glacier Freeze,” “Knockout Punch,” “Blackout Berry.”
sugarsloshed in artificial dye.
Let the faithful noise up over these sugar bombs
that namehide behind “fructose,” “glucose” and “sucrose,”
electrolytes or branched-chain non-GMO amino acids.
Not for me this yummy bilge. I have learned
to take a bottle of SMART Water
(distressed over all the years I must
have been drinking dumb water)
and on the bench secretly slide in a few drops
of Holy Water from Our Lady of Perpetual Help
from a bottle that looks like a vodka nip.
Now, fortifed by powerbrainwaves and the Lord,
I strut to the mound.