IF TRUMP PLAYED BASEBALL
“I have no set position.
I can play anywhere I want,
first, second, third, left, center, right,
China, Russia, North Korea.
I know baseball better than any manager;
you can ask anyone, they’ll tell you.
I was first in my class in the
Wharton School of Baseball.
I stay at the best hotels, (mine.)
I eat the best food, (chocolate cake.)
I had the best spring training, (at Mar-a-Lago.)
I continually keep the opposing team
off-balance by spraying my hits
to all corners of the field like
Afghanistan and Yemen.
My public is never sure
what I will do next.
Is baseball my only field of expertise?
No. Off-season, I am the greatest golfer, believe me.
I want to Make Baseball Great Again, trust me.
And that fact ain’t fake news. ”
– by Mel Glenn
THE EMPTY UNIFORM – Number Forty Four
We wondered why they brought him in,
A guy with nothing much accomplished
After a few years in the low minors
And two seasons in the show.
But who were we to question?
So we went about out jobs. Swung the bats.
Hit the strike zone. Stole a base now and then.
Laid down a bunt. Homered.
Despite being loaded with talent
We played a journeyman’s game.
Came close, but never made the playoffs.
Chemistry the pundits said. The intangibles.
Problems in the dugout. Bad blood.
After eight years in the uniform,
The same one each of us wore,
He moved on, leaving us divided.
Uneasy, at each other’s throats.
We had sensed it almost from the beginning.
He couldn’t disguise the fact that –
Under the veneer of charm,
Despite the glad hand, the easy laugh –
He hated us.
– by Albert “Moose” Mize