ADVICE TO A NERVOUS BASE STEALER

– In honor of Andy Pettitte

Whatever you do, don’t flinch.
Whatever you do, don’t lean.
Whatever you do, don’t give him an inch,
Or this guy will pick you clean.

Whatever you do, don’t dance.
Don’t even try for a jump.
This guy will juke you out of your pants.
Make you look like a chump.

Whatever you do, don’t guess.
Outthink him? Don’t even try.
You’ll find yourself in a hell of a mess,
Laundered and hung out to dry.

Patient now, three-step lead.
Whatever you do, don’t twitch.
When he goes home, show your speed –
And hope the catcher drops the pitch.